it's really quite odd

well, let's take a quick survey of where i am in my life right now. i am unemployed. i have about 20 dollars to my name (unless you count the debt, in which case i am about 7,000.00 in the hole and free falling). i have managed to squeek by on peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and eating at a friend's house. i have come to believe that i must have a form of ocd, with chronic depression thrown in for good measure. my current mood swing is heading towards the darker sides of emotion.



yet in spite of all of this shit and the increasing stronger suicidal thoughts, i still honestly believe this will be the best year of my life. maybe i'm delusional; but if given the choice, i'd rather be delusional and happy than delusional and sad. if we truly are making up our realities in our heads, then i'm going to entertain only those thoughts that empower me. thank you joe vitale, pat o'bryan, t harv eker, james ray, and bill harris. we'll see what happens next.



it's really quite odd. even though i know the long term is set for great things, it's the short term storm i can't see past right now. but when i make it through this, then nothing can stop me. in a strange way, thinking i have ocd and depression enables me to better take a step back and say, "these thoughts and emotions aren't me. it's just what the ocd and depression bring on. so just watch them, and don't get attached to them."



oh yeah, i need to blog about the single most important thing i've done to help pull myself out of my pervasive depression: the holosync program by bill harris, assuming of course i don't get attached to what i'm thinking and feeling and don't try to kill myself. i've always been too afraid to do it properly though, and will probably stay that way.