as the system falls apart...

when i woke up this morning, i realized that i was still unemployed, i was still in debt (and still free falling), i had even LESS money in my pocket (about $12) than the day before, and almost no gas. it was starting to become one of those "should i eat or get gas" kind of days. yet in spite all of that, i was pretty happy and peaceful, for absolutely no rational reason. it's becoming easier and easier for me to observe my thoughts and feelings without 'being' my thoughts and feelings. i can see now how reaching that level of stillness is the most powerful place to be.

i'm still reading and re-reading these same sets of books in an effort to change my thinking. i'm still using the holosync recordings faithfully every night. and i'm still wondering if i'm ever going to reach that point where everything becomes okay and my stress and anxiety just stop. but i guess this is all working, because in spite of my current circumstances, i'm surprisingly happy today.

i have a feeling that this 'great and sudden change' that i have been so yearning for, is slowly and inevitably occuring. bill harris (the developer of holosync) has often said, "that which does not serve, will fall away." this is making more and more sense to me as time goes on, but not on just the superficial intellectual level; this is actually making sense on a more intuitive, visceral level. i'm actually believing it now, and it's damn exciting. i can't wait to see how i'll be when i grow up.