i cannot say enough good things about last.fm

i just love this site www.last.fm . i always have it playing in the background as i work on the computer, and some of the artists i have discovered from this site just boggles my mind. ah music, i would be so much more lonely and wretched without thee. liturature is great, but music can touch parts of the soul that writen script cannot. thank you. thank you. thank you.

occam's razor

i've found two sites that i have been visiting quite frequently (almost as frequently as i visit last.fm), and i just can't get enough of them. the first of them is http://www.onesentence.org/ and i think it is brilliant.the best way to describe it is buy using its own words:


"One Sentence is an experiment in brevity. Most of the best stories that we tell from our lives have one really, really good part that make the rest of the boring story worth it.

This is about that one line.

This is about telling the most interesting or poignant story possible in the least amount of words.
This is about small bite-sized pieces of extraordinary lives and ordinary lives alike... the happy, the sad, the funny, the depressing."


they keep quite an extensive archive (all the way back to may of 2006) and some of these sentences are simply phenomenal. i am amazed at how a few well-crafted words can carry such an amazingly strong, elemental feeling to them. some have made me laugh until i nearly soiled myself, some have made me cry because i knew the feeling expressed more intimately than i would have thought, but all of them brought me comfort and appreciation that there are still those among us that can effectively use the english language with a sense of poetry and not as just a means of communication. some of my favorites are:


Suspicious
Lesson Learned: "Open Relationship" = "I'm already seeing someone else."
tags: love cheating bullshit [add]
2009-02-17


how fucking true is that?! i laughed until i remembered my own experience with it, and then, well... i didn't laugh so much anymore.


Fly
The day I moved out of my apartment was the day I discovered the bathroom mirror was actually the door to a medicine cabinet.
tags: humor moving that would have been handy [add]
2009-02-04


i've done this too, and on more than one occasion. i'm glad i'm not the only one that's done this. i laughed when i read it and felt a camaraderie with whomever wrote this.



(katie)
The worst part about the rape is the way it's made the rest of my life about that one night.
tags: sadness regret anger rape [add]
2009-02-02


my heart sank when i read this, and i felt such an overwhelming sense of compassion for this person whom i will never know. my mind traveled up and down the possible timestream of her life, witnessing her days from then on linked to that one night. i hope she develops the strength to move past her suffering and evolve further because of it. this one sentence carries with it so much more emotion than if she wrote about it in greater detail.


I shake my head & smile
You know your adult son is home visiting when you find an empty beer can in your shower.
tags: humor visiting beer adult son mother [add]
2009-01-30

this was just damn funny, and that one sentence just developed this entire character study of this kid in my mind. i started to imagine him like a slightly older version of ferris bueller.


Nate
It took the internet to find out about my uncle's successful career in porn.
tags: porn uncle internet [add]
2009-01-29


i just wondered if the uncle was hot, and nate too, for that matter.


Sorcha
When the strange man wouldn't quit staring at me while I nursed my baby, I finally lost it and asked him if he wanted some for his coffee.
tags: humor breastfeeding staring coffee [add]
2009-01-28


HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!



KPL
When my Chinese host family told me, "no rice until you finish your beer," I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
tags: China rice beer [add]
2009-01-28


there isn't anything i could say that could make this sentence any clearer.



Tim
Before I had a three year old child, I never imagined I'd discuss whether turtles have eyebrows.
tags: humor parenthood turtles [add]
2009-01-28


i really wish i was a part of that conversation. the way kids' minds work are just facinating. how do they come up with these questions?...and when did i apparently lose my ability to see the world like that? i don't think i would be so jaded if i could. i guess i've found myself a new hero in this anonymous three-year old master.



My only regret.
One of my best friends in high school killed himself after the only girl he ever asked out turned him down at the risk of being less popular, which is a shame because he would have been the best first boyfriend I ever had.
tags: regrets sucide sad boyfriends love best friends high school nerd popularity first love 2009-01-05

i related to the boy and this brought back a whole flood of memories that i didn't realize i had, but i'm still alive. my heart went out to the girl, who now seems to have seen the tremendous error she made. but, such a high cost. this entry then triggered a retrospection of things i regret in my life. i've been inundated with the phrase'"no regrets" just as much as anyone, but i've never been like that. i've regretted so many things in my life, but as i look back on some of these painful memories, i find that they aren't as painful anymore.



don't get me wrong, these memories are still intense, but in a more neutral way. i suppose the best way to differentiate is to say that, although these memories are painful, i do not suffer over them as much. pain may not be an option, but the added burden of suffering is. may whoever contributed this entry learn that difference and become stronger and more compassionate from it.

Tenth
Three were raped, one abused, one is forever unsatisfied with who she is, two, maybe three are cutters, one truly believes she's a slut by nature, one is seventeen with the mind of a ten year old, one is an orphan, one is as mental as I am, and I wouldn't trade any of them for all the perfect friends in the world.
tags: friends sympathy affection friendship [add]
2008-10-13

yup. seems to have described most of the mutant misfits that were my beloved friends too. i miss those people. the people i live amongst now are so.... normal. agh! now i'm sad.

i could go on and on with the site, but you really should check it out for yourself. it will quickly find its way onto your bookmarked list. i can't help but check this site daily, and i'm a bit envious with the wordcrafting skill of some of the site's contributors.

...but wait! there's more......

the second site i adore even more than one sentence has to be http://www.dearoldlove.tumblr.com/ because, being a bit more focused in the area of love/hate, it elicits a very strong response in me. again, in the site's own words:

"Dear Old Love" is short notes to people we've loved (or at least liked). Requited or unrequited.

The ex-husband in Grace Paley's short story "Wants" says to his ex-wife, "I attribute the dissolution of our marriage to the fact that you never invited the Bertrams to dinner." If you're bitter, that's the way to express it here.

Please email pithy, specific "Dear Old Love" notes to dearoldlove(at)gmail.com. Posted submissions will be anonymous, and all submissions will be held in confidence. I would never sell or give away your email. (I wouldn't even know how.) If privacy is a concern, use an account with a pseudonym."

and thus begins one of the best ongoing art collaborations i have ever encountered.

this site isn't as old as onesentence.org, but it hasn't diminished its potency. their archieves only go back to september 2008, but there are contributions that hit home a bit too hard for me personally. there are several contributions i wish i wrote, because it's certainly what i've felt before.

here's a sample of some of the brilliance. wear sunglasses.

Dress Code

You taught me: if he dresses like a douchebag, he’s probably a douchebag.
Oct 17 2008
Permalink

this seems to just be a universal axiom. of course, some of them can be trained, but then i've found you end up with just a well-dressed douchebag.

Spoils

I am still furious you got all the good friends in the breakup.
Oct 21 2008
Permalink

isn't THAT true....

Rest in Peace

I always preferred your pillow. Now that it’s mine I don’t like it so much.
Oct 22 2008
Permalink

there are just some things that don't need commentary.

Stung

I can’t believe you’re becoming the type of guy who stays cute. Couldn’t you have followed Robert Redford instead of Paul Newman—more Sundance, less kid?
Oct 22 2008
Permalink

and i'm thinking of you matthew, wherever you are, you hot jerk.







A More Civilized Age

It both cheers and saddens me to think that glow-in-the-dark condoms plus lightsaber sound effects comprised the high point of our relationship.
Nov 5 2008
Permalink



this one is just funny to visualize. ah, star wars geeks, gotta love 'em.





Fun Scale

Being with you was fun, but fantasizing about you is funner.
Nov 9 2008
Permalink

i've even had the experience of fantasizing about someone as we were having sex together. how screwed up is that?

anyway, there are several others worth looking at. there really is no sense to just publish my favorites when the experience of seeing the site is so much better. you should really check it out.

so what is the point of it all? i thought about it and realized that the primary reason why i am so drawn to these sites is the same reason why i read as much as i do, to know that i am not alone. i was amazed at how some of the contributors to these sites encapsulated so much of what i have been feeling for so long that just knowing someone else also has felt this way makes my experience more bearable. it establishes an anchor into a greater collective humanity, and it lets me know that i'm doing okay, even if i don't think so.

thanks for reading this far. cheers.

i am so silly

i am really craving oreo cookies right now. i rarely crave sweets, and usually only if they are fruit-based. i've only picked up this sweet tooth habit because i spend a LOT of time with my friend and her kids. DAMMIT KELLY KAYE!! YOU AND YOUR SPAWN DID THIS TO ME!!!

as the system falls apart...

when i woke up this morning, i realized that i was still unemployed, i was still in debt (and still free falling), i had even LESS money in my pocket (about $12) than the day before, and almost no gas. it was starting to become one of those "should i eat or get gas" kind of days. yet in spite all of that, i was pretty happy and peaceful, for absolutely no rational reason. it's becoming easier and easier for me to observe my thoughts and feelings without 'being' my thoughts and feelings. i can see now how reaching that level of stillness is the most powerful place to be.

i'm still reading and re-reading these same sets of books in an effort to change my thinking. i'm still using the holosync recordings faithfully every night. and i'm still wondering if i'm ever going to reach that point where everything becomes okay and my stress and anxiety just stop. but i guess this is all working, because in spite of my current circumstances, i'm surprisingly happy today.

i have a feeling that this 'great and sudden change' that i have been so yearning for, is slowly and inevitably occuring. bill harris (the developer of holosync) has often said, "that which does not serve, will fall away." this is making more and more sense to me as time goes on, but not on just the superficial intellectual level; this is actually making sense on a more intuitive, visceral level. i'm actually believing it now, and it's damn exciting. i can't wait to see how i'll be when i grow up.

it's really quite odd

well, let's take a quick survey of where i am in my life right now. i am unemployed. i have about 20 dollars to my name (unless you count the debt, in which case i am about 7,000.00 in the hole and free falling). i have managed to squeek by on peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and eating at a friend's house. i have come to believe that i must have a form of ocd, with chronic depression thrown in for good measure. my current mood swing is heading towards the darker sides of emotion.



yet in spite of all of this shit and the increasing stronger suicidal thoughts, i still honestly believe this will be the best year of my life. maybe i'm delusional; but if given the choice, i'd rather be delusional and happy than delusional and sad. if we truly are making up our realities in our heads, then i'm going to entertain only those thoughts that empower me. thank you joe vitale, pat o'bryan, t harv eker, james ray, and bill harris. we'll see what happens next.



it's really quite odd. even though i know the long term is set for great things, it's the short term storm i can't see past right now. but when i make it through this, then nothing can stop me. in a strange way, thinking i have ocd and depression enables me to better take a step back and say, "these thoughts and emotions aren't me. it's just what the ocd and depression bring on. so just watch them, and don't get attached to them."



oh yeah, i need to blog about the single most important thing i've done to help pull myself out of my pervasive depression: the holosync program by bill harris, assuming of course i don't get attached to what i'm thinking and feeling and don't try to kill myself. i've always been too afraid to do it properly though, and will probably stay that way.

it is going to be a beautiful year

it is really challenging to change habitual ways of thinking.  sometimes, all i want to do i just give up on all of it, but i guess that's part of the "habitual ways of thinking" i need to change.  oh the paradox...

i know long-term, it will be a beautiful year.  right now, it seems to be just getting darker and darker. 

always a new challenge to keep me growing

i haven't posted anything on here in a very long time. i've lost ready access to a computer and the internet. still, there is a great deal that i can still accomplish without the laptop. i've been refining my new year's rsolutions; especially since i now have a clue (a very small clue, but a clue regardless).

for the past several months, i have been reading and re-reading a particular set of books in an effort to change my habitual thinking and my habitual actions (or really, lack thereof). my first major paridigm shift occured when i was randomly wandering in a bookseller store and i came across the 4-hour work week, by tim ferris.  the most important concept i learned from that book was the inherent limitations of the per-hour work model.  even if i were to make hundreds of dollars an hour(fat fucking chance, based on my current circumstances), there are only so many hours in a day i could work.  my income in this model is contingent on my ability to work in a 1:1 ratio.  one hour of work for one hour of pay.  no work = no pay.  this has been my entire life so far. and on top of that, it has always been for someone else, usually for someone i really didn't like, but i needed the job.

i found myself confused with many things tim had to say, because it NEVER occurred to me to think any other way.  i also found myself a bit excited at the possibility of emulating his success. but it seemed that many of the ideas he proposed required a bit more start up capital than i had (i had been making less than 1000.00 per month) and, coupled with my chronic insecurities and self-doubts, lead me to a bit of frustration.  i did find myself determined to break out of my current mindset and circumstances.  tim's ideas are great for a few long-term projects i had developed in my mind, but didn't really have the means to implement at the time.  no, i needed something that was simpler and cheaper to start.

i must have been able to at least get clear on this intension because a few weeks later, during one of my not-so-random trips to the bookstore, i was wandering the business sections (after i spent a great deal of time in the sci-fi/fantasy and manga sections of course) and a particular book caught my eye: your portable empire, by pat o'bryan.  wow.  this was EXACTLY what i was looking for.  in tim's four-hour work week, he stated that information products allow for a considerable mark-up and are relatively easy to produce, but he didn't get into too much depth with the idea.  in pat o'bryan's, your portable empire, it becomes the central theme.  his particular philosophy of "turning problems into products" should be something i can readily understand since i seem to have SO MANY of them.  but for right now, i can't understand it.

because of pat's very humble beginnings, and his particular voice in his writing, i felt that i had met a kindred spirit, or a least a spirit i could relate to fairly well.  he lays out a very simple step-by-step method (of course it is so simple that i find it difficult because i SO OVERTHINK EVERYTHING) for building your own portable empire.  it was this book that motivated me to start this blog really.  what this blog really will turn out to be is the direct manifestation of my learning curve, so i'm going to expect some pretty grand screw-ups.  i seem to be pretty good at screwing up things, but there is no failure, "it's all data" (thank you pat).

i also love the fact that even though he is quite materially successful, his politics lean left.  yet another characteristic of why he has rapidly become my hero.  reading his work has then lead me to a few more authors.  the foremost being dr. joe vitale and his book, the attractor factor, which pat o'bryan directly alludes to in his book.

i had first been exposed to joe vitale from his role in the movie, the secret.  the secret (or at least the version i saw before they apparently changed it) helped me deal with a difficult incident in my life because it helped to shift my perspective of my life.  i primarily had noticed bill harris and his work throught the centerpointe institute (which i will extensively blog about in another post), secondly i noticed joe vitale because he reminded me of danny devito (it is meant to be a compliment by the way), finally i noticed james ray.

i got a hold of a copy of the attractor factor and started reading it extensively.  it directly clashed with much of my habitual thinking.  in fact, i still find myself struggling with the information, but as what i have been doing so far in my life has not helped me much, i have committed to following through with the book.  the basic idea of focusing on what i want, and not what i don't want, has been challenging to me because i've realized that i've been a severely negative human being for the past several years and i've become EXCELLENT at focusing on what i don't want.  it never occurred to me to do otherwise.  i'm still trying to internalize his teachings through repetition.  i do believe in joe vitale though, because he was once worse than i am at a time in his life.  he was homeless (although i am getting pretty fucking close), jobless, lost.  i never would have guessed it; he is so evolved and successful now.

pat o'bryan's book also lead me to a book by t harv eker called, secrets of the millionaire mind. the most important idea i learned from this excellent book was on page 2 where he states,

" it all comes down to this:  if your subconscious "financial blueprint" is not "set" for success, nothing you learn, nothing you know, and nothing you do will make much of a difference." 

reading this shocked me.  in that moment i realized that in spite of some rather unique skills i have developed over the years, i was still set for failure.  it pretty much encapsulates most of my life.  he elaborates on pages 6-7 where he states,

"that's when it became obvious that you can have the greatest "tools" in the world, but if you've got a tiny leak in your "toolbox" (i'm pointing to me head right now), you've got a problem."

holy shit did i have a problem. i am also drawn to t harv eker's work because although he alludes to the 'law of attraction', he doesn't approach it with very much new-agey attitude that quite frankly, puts me off just a bit.  he also had started from very humble beginnings that he talks about in the early part of his book.  this 'street cred', makes it easier for me to believe i can do this too.  he speaks a great deal of the psychological aspects of money, and believes in making  a series of declarations that he gives you out loud to counter disempowering mental programming.  i have been trying to do these on a daily basis ever since.

james ray was also in the secret, and i came across his book, harmonic wealth, in the bookstore a while ago.  although he speaks to many of the same ideas as the others, his particular voice in his writing attracted me.  his underlying concept of harmonic wealth, the five pillars that need to be in dynamic equilibrium, serve as the overall paradigm for how i am attempting to structure my life.  he won me over when he stated on page 14,

"don't wish for an easier life-that's illusion.  wish for greater capability and capacity to ease elegantly through life."

yet another perspective that i had not considered.   in fact, i had always been longing for an easier life.  now i can see that that perspective is rooted in fear and scarcity, but habitual ways of thinking are difficult to change.  

    there is so much more i can say about these teachers, but i'm still attempting to assimilate their lessons.  and i still haven't talked about bill harris yet.  his work is AMAZING, but that wll have to wait for another post.

      

       wow. i had been stuck in the box for so long that i had forgotten i was in a box.  and now, i fear i have analysis paralysis.  always a new challenge to keep me going.